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Ok ok due to some complaints I received I have decided that starting on Monday I will be writing down my thoughts at work in a notebook or a memo pad or something like that and once I come back home I will blog all the crap I was thinking while I was working. I realised that while I am away from home I think about a lot of things. Relationships, colleagues, chat friends, family etc etc etc.

Sebut pasal memberz chat semalam or is it the other day...ada lah satu hamba kotai tu. He messaged me in MSN inviting me down to his wedding this weekend. At Pahang. As if Pahang tu kat blakang umah aku je. Kanina tul. I won't be coming down anyway and even if Ash is not having his stroke, I still won't go. Aku rimas dengan jantan sekor tu. Few months before his wedding, dia dengan bakal bini dia tu masuk dalam chatroom dah tu nyenyeh ntah apa-apa je, conquering my chat screen. Might as well bertonyeh kat dalam private message box so I won't have to run to the toilet muntah-muntah darah.

I got no patience untuk orang-orang bunga. Orang bunga tu apa? It refers to those people who are so sickeningly decent and nice and feminine (for girls) that you want to shake their floweriness outta their bodies. Also included in the list are people yang step kakak-kakak pekak and abang-abang lobang padahal umur dorang jauh lagi muda dari aku. Don't have to be mr or miss know-it-all because you really don't know everything. You often than not learn something new each day.

And I learn that I love those old classic songs being played at Class 95 FM. I know most of the songs and even if I don't know the lyrics I can still hum along. I'm sick for the moment of Power 98. That is a good station but I hate the way they keep repeating the hit songs of the moment 5-6 times every day for a week every month. So for now I'm changing the station. You should hear the morning show. Ada Glenn Ong, Rod Monteiro and the Flying Dutchman. They are so hilarious and their laughter is infectious you could not stop giggling yourself.

See ya. Jangan malas tag aku even when I don't blog.

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Yeah I know I have been away for far too long. Sorry guys. Been busy with work and my baby. By the time aku balik keje dah pukul 10. Nak blog pun dah really too tired apa lagi nak chat.

Ash is walking though not too well. I am still afraid he trip and fall on his face but so far he fell only once and his face kissed the mattress which was not too bad. I bath him whenever I am not working. Poor darling! When I am not around he has to do that all by himself and he complained to me the other day, he could only soap half of his body. I told him " apa nak buat papa...maid nyer kena keje on weekdays". Tak kan nak suruh mak dia mandikan. Malu kan?

Many vistors came by. His relatives, his friends. Sometimes I wonder if it was me, would my friends and relatives visit me often at home? Bapak tiri aku sakit pun yang datang boleh kira dengan 1 tangan.

I am worried about the hand. Still shows no sign of improvement but he could move his fingers slightly.

By the way I am still living with Ash. Malas nak balik. Semalam she called but I didn't answer because I know all she wanted to do was nag at me and I am tired of hearing her. I'm old enough to live my own life, right? I settle the bills and buy groceries, right? I just don't want to come back home.

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It has been 3 days since you came back home but it feels like months. It is so beladi stressful taking care of you when you insist on being stubborn and always thinking you are right when you are not.. Now I understand how my mother feels all the times she's taking care of her husband. Kita ada risau pasal dia nak baik...dia kasi kita sakit pala dengan perangai dia.

Maybe you should have stayed longer kat spital. You are more manageable there with the rules and strict diet. I just scolded you tadi not because I want to but because I am fedap with you. I hate it when you ignore me and I detest you when you don't answer me when I ask you a question. I AM NOT TALKING TO THE DAMN FAKKING WALL. I hate you when you do this - making me feel insignificant and so beladi small. I am small but don't you think I'm important in your life? Did you even bother to really find out why when there are so many of your relatives around was I not there among them? You would like to think it is because I'm anti-soSIAL don't you? That's only part of the reason. The main reason is because whenever your kompuak is right there beside you, I automatically become invisible in your eyes. Of course I know you have to entertain them but do you have to totally forgot about me in the process?

Am I being difficult? I am I know. I am sorry. This is definitely not the time to plague you with trivial silly matters. Between you and your niece, I can get heart failure. You being the ass you are, she being the lazy bum about studies. Aizzzzzzzzzzzz

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I truely love you...my baby. When I am in need you are here to give me strength and love. No matter what I will always love you.

How so touching! When I got your sms, I was so touched I almost cried. You deserve much more than I could ever give. I wish I could give you more than I had already did. I can't wait for your return.

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Ash is coming home this Friday. Yehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! I can't wait for him to be back here with me body and soul. The doctor recommended that he stay at the hospital for at least 2 weeks just so they can monitor his progress but he decided to go home, thinking no doubt of his mother and me. Penat siak hari-hari gi balik sana. The cab fare, the bus and MRT fare, the bill...duit duit duit...something that we don't have much. Once he return home, there will be the traditional massage sessions and the polyclinic physiotherapy. It won't be so tiring sebab polyclinic tu kat Marsiling je. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh dia dah balik hati aku senang sket. I will have someone to argue with, to hug, to romen-romen muahahahahaha.

Girlfriend...thanks for your sms. I miss u too. You can come over anytime you want to. Kita boleh threesome muahahahahaha.

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Most probably Ash has to stay in SGH for another week for therapy. He told me he could walk without anyone helping him. He bragged about sending his mother off to the lift. His hand still refuses to function. He told his mother he would ask me about that extended stay. How sweet! I do mean something. I guess it's ok for him to stay even though I wanted him back home so bad. He asked me whether I was tired or bored visiting him. Tired yes...bored never. I don't think I could ever be bored of him.

She called and Ash picked up my handphone. I refuse to entertain any of her calls because I am so sick of her nagging and complaints. Ash said she didn't sound too happy that he answered the phone. Of course she is not happy. I have been away from home for 2 weeks I think. But I did not forget my responsibility to her. I paid the bills, I did the groceries. Cukup lah tu. I don't want to spend more time than necessary with her. Sakit hati ahhh.

Right now the important thing for me to do is to be there for my baby. How I miss him! Aku cakap dengan dia...once dia balik je...hari-hari aku kasi dia blowjob servis muahahahahahaha.

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Feeling lonely without you. Hate that couple who cuddled together. As if mocking me...showing the obvious that you are not here with me. Come home soon. I miss you so.

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Marketing chores postponed to tomolo. Tadi Ash's younger brother along with his family datang umah. He painted Ash's room. Not bad the colours he chose.

I shouldn't have picked up your call tadi. It was really a waste of my time listening to you and Ash's money paying the bill. What I did is never enough for you. You always...always have something to complain about. Why can't you be happy with what you have now? Why do you always have to make such a racket? Sometimes I just can't be bothered to listen to your one-way conversation. What's the point anyway? You wouldn't listen. You said you were not feeling well. How unwell is that? You often said something like that and when I came home, I saw you sitting on the sofa, being the couch potato that you are. Tak sakit pun. I don't know whether you were really sick or pretending to be sick. I am not your son. I can never have sympathy for people who are down with minor disease. I am sick and tired of your nagging. Apa lagi yang tak cukup? I may not be around but I kept the kitchen smoking, I paid the bills. Ok ok I admit...money I could never give you enough but I don't trust you with that. I give you money, expecting you to use it for emergency use or when u want to buy food but of course you spend the money on your damn cigarettes. Rokok tak kenyangkan perut lah. Why can't you see that?

You scolded me for not calling you but when I did call, did you even bother to pick up the phone? Kalau tak nak angkat, buat apa aku nak gi bazirkan karen aku dial the numbers? You want me to be home but when I'm there did you talk to me? Oh you did chat but all you ever did was to tell me stories about your fakking siblings and relatives. Do you even bother to ask me about my problems? Slalu cakap ko malu dengan aku. Deyyyyy podahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lah. I hate coming home, I hate talking to you. You did nothing but complain, complain and more complain. I have enough problems to think about to worry about some other people's personal affairs. I told you many times don't involve yourself in other people's business tapi ko mana nak dengar cakap aku.

The next time you call me and fak me on the phone like you did the other time while I was on my way to work, I am going to hang up on you, like Ash suggested tadi. Aku nak gi keje ko nak bebel kat tinger aku pepagi buta? What the fak? Macam sial je kena marah bila aku nak gi keje cari duit sumbatkan kat mulut ko.

You should go and saiko your son instead of me. Go and harass him like you did to me. Go and do what you did to me to him. You can't, can you? No matter what he did, no matter how bad he treats you, you still fakking love him. You love him and you fak me good. I am really fedap with you.

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Aku malas...unta kat padang pasir pun tak malas cam aku ni

Betul sial. I'm so goddamn lazy nak gi blog. Aku balik dari jumpa Ash kat hospital aku dah penat macam nak mampos. And my brain works better early in the morning. But since aku dah stay lepak kat Woodlands, it is kinda rushing nak gi siap-siap gi keje then nak blog. Where got time nak blog kan? I apologise to my avid readers.

Updates about Ash. He is undergoing physiotherapy now for the next 2 weeks. No miracles yet but his mom did say he could walk from the bed to the window. She was of course very surprised. We didn't want him to walk about pasal kita takut dia jatuh. His leg is still not that strong enough. Kalau lah dia jatuh hempap kat aku ke mak dia ke..tak ke parah? Dia tu kalau kecik macam aku tak pe jugak kan. Ni besar..kaki dia nyer berat dah macam kayu balak. Anyway tadi aku sempat gesel-gesel konek dia sampai erect muahahahahahahaha. I miss his dick but I miss Ash more lah. At least kan now I know his konek is still usable.

The last few days I was irritable during my daily hospital visits. I didn't know then what was wrong. After much pondering, I came to the conclusion that I was pissed off that I couldn't have some private moments with him. His mother was usually around. His sister sometimes, younger brother too. Everything work out fine now. His mother will keep him company during lunchtime while I will be with him after I finish work.

Another long day tomolo. Nak gi do some marketing for Woodlands side. Kalau ada time nak return the library books. Then rush to SGH nak layan baby tua kat sana. I love that man. I hope he will be back home soon. Miss having his arms around me while I go to sleep. Have to nag at him to not to be lazy at doing the exercises. Makin lama dia dok kat sana makin manja plak dia.

Goodnight everybody.

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Ash was transferred to the rehab ward tadi. No air cond which is good. Angin sejuk not so good for people who got stroke. He was the youngest patient there. I think tomorrow he will start with the therapy. I hope by the end of 2 weeks he could walk without aid and move his hand. I should nag at him more. He's lazy to move the right hand and legs. I know papa you tired but you cannot give up that easily. I'm here for you kan. Maybe I should whip you huh to get your ass moving muahahahahahaha.

The longer I stay at his place, the more visible my bitchy character. Alamakkkkkkkkk...aku komplen sana komplen sini. You know me. I ain't got patience for people who dilly dally nak gi someplace. The other time my mother in law lah dilly dally. I wanted to be at the hospital at exactly 12pm. I already planned to leave the house by 10:30 pasal kita travel by MRT. She still got time to make phone calls, and what not. At that time I was really pissed off but now...I think I was like over reacting kan? Cannot help it lah...Even Ash ada tegur. He said I should try to be a little less ganas. Muka aku dah muncung when he said like that muahahahaha. When he saw my sweet long face, he didn't elaborate even when I asked. I try ok papa to be a little bit more pompan even if it kills me just to make you happy. I told you I am not such an easy person to live with.

Anyway...I will be seeing you tomorrow baby.

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I followed Ash up the lift to this house door. Didn't really notice what colour it was. I was too pre-occupied with something else. Ash knocked on the door or did he ring the bell? I can't remember. The door opened and I heard a child's loud cry and a woman's voice. He entered the house and somebody closed the door, leaving me outside. I banged on the door, calling him out. He opened the door and I asked him, "Who is the woman? Whose child is it?" I was trying hard not to cry. He said, "If I told you, you would be mad at me. Remember the last time?" I can't forget that time so easily. But at least he came back to me and not her. " I want to know papa. Tell me!" And he did. That woman was his ex girlfriend and the child was theirs. How that hurts! It had already happened before and it was happening again. But this time he didn't stay with me and I was too hurt to want to stay with him no more. I left him. I remember telling him to come back to me when he was sure he really loves me and only me. I can't tolerate his infidelity, his fickleness. He came back to me only because the other woman rejected him...now I know...and not because he loves me.

I woke up crying. It seemed so real...that dream of mine. It wasn't of course. Ash wouldn't do that to me. I couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't want to dream that again. Stupid dream! I know why I dreamed of him. I was worried about him this last few days and so no wonder I thought about him in my sleep.

Bringing him some chicken soup later. He can eat solid food already. They gave him some rice and ayam masak merah semalam. He complained about the small portion but I told him maybe they want to see whether he is capable enough to chew the food. Poor baby! Kalau aku jadi dia pun aku komplen. Nevermind eh sayang...food is coming.

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Just came back from visiting Ash. He's becoming more cheerful as days gone by which in turn made me happy. His right hand is beginning to grab mine stronger. I practically had to forced him to do that. He is always complaining of being tired. I didn't want to be harsh or unsympathetic but if I didn't egg him on, he would be lazy. He has to stay there for another 2 weeks but not in the ward. He's going to be transferred out to the rehab department where he will undergo some physiotherapy exercises. He did some mouth exercises early in the day tadi. He talked more coherently with less drooling. It's been like a ritual that at about 7 pm I will take some ointment and message his left leg and hand with his mother watching on. God, his leg is so goddamn heavy I think I could tone my arm muscles just by lifting his leg up muahahahahahaha.

I miss him! Tak de sapa nak gaduh dengan aku. Tak de sapa nak gi pujuk aku when I got absolutely no chance to majok. Aizzzzzzzzzz. Come back home soon papa. I miss you in our bed. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss looking at you. I miss your smell. I miss your snoring. I miss everything about you.

He said last Wednesday once he regains his health again he wants to register our marriage. I was and still am worried about the money issue but he waved it all aside. I don't know what makes him decide that. Maybe it was his stroke. It makes him appreciate me more. I appreciatehim more than ever. Anyway he promised tadi once he's fine again, he would bring me and his mother out for great meal at Seoul Garden. Yummy! Can't wait for that day to come. I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to eat.

I will be seeing him again tomorrow. Something to look forward to. I am always excited whenever I am meeting him. Love at its sweetest.