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Glad to say tonight on the way home from visiting my darling baby, I didn't shed no tears. Partly because I went home with his mother and partly because Ash seemed refreshed and he was smiling and joking with me since my arrival. I'm not really sure when he will be discharged. Even if he is allowed to go home, he most probably will stay with his sister because there is lift stops at every floor. Convenient for him. So anybody who is thinking about visiting him...please stay tune and I will keep you updated.
Ash told me his boss came by, masquerading as an insurance agent. By lying he was able to see his just-promoted subordinate. Yeah Ash got promoted to Tech II but he can't enjoy his new post for now. Most probably his hospital bills will be paid by his company's insurance plan, thus saving his Medisave for better usage (for example my pregnancy muahahahahahaha).
To everyone, thanks for the encouragement and kind words and Nana, thank you for being there for me again and again. Please forgive me for sometimes saying nasty stuffs that I said which usually happened when I'm feeling lonely or dealing with PMS. Take my remarks with a pinch of salt and don't take to heart. I always say things I don't mean when I'm angry.
I'm looking with much optimism to tomorrow. Like I said often, tomorrow will be better than today.
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I was strong when I visited you tonight. I didn't want to trouble you with my worries and complaints, I didn't want to pick a fight with you, I didn't want to cry in front of you. I didn't do any of those things that would irritate you. But once I left you, that was when the dam start to crack and the tears flow. All the memories came back to me, the bad and the good. All those times we spent together don't bring smiles to my face but pain. Pain that you have to go through this, pain that you are feeling the frustration of having to be confined in bed, pain of not being with you. I couldn't stop touching you because that's all I have of you for now. I couldn't let go of your hand because I know I will miss your warmth touch once I go home. I couldn't quit watching you even when you asleep because I want to mesmerise every part of your face. When you told me you love me tadi, I had to look away because I was about to fall apart and I don't want you to see me cry.
I feel so empty inside. I can't wait for you to come back home. I want to be there as often as I could. I don't know how long this is going to last but I hope it will be soon.
Even through the frustration, you still can smile at me so sweetly. You can even wink at me. You know I love it when you wink at me. You told me to eat but I can't darling because you didn't eat much. How could I munch happily away when you could only have soggy soft something starchy kind of food? Besides, when I see you, my stomach feels full.
Don't lose hope baby because I never do. I believe you can get through this. That is why I want to be strong because you are. And I will be there every step of the way that you go.
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I went to sleep crying and I woke up crying. I took a shower in tears. I blog in tears. Better cry now then later when I see you.
So lost without you. My world stops turning it seems.
Who is gonna hold me when I go to to sleep at night? Who is gonna hear my complains? Who is gonna tell me crappy jokes? Who is gonna kiss me? Who is gonna wait for me after work? Who is gonna help me pay my bills? Who is gonna walk me to the bus stop in the morning when I go to work? Who is gonna quarelled with me? Who is gonna give me the big O? Who is gonna have meals with me? Who is gonna nag at me?
I can't work without you. I can't see my future without you. I can't live without you.
Be well my love.
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I already posted an entry about last Saturday's night virgin trip to Wu Bar but I deleted it. Inconsequential after what that had happened the last 12 hours.
Ash is hospitalised today. He is having a stroke. He's slightly young to have that isn't he? But diseases now don't care much about your age. He was already feeling something wrong last night at work but he thought he was having muscles cramps. Early this morning, he smsed me, saying he wanted to go home at 6 and told me to wait for him. I didn't go to work. When I saw him, he could lift up his right hand slightly and he was dragging his right foot. I applied some oil on him, massaging him but there was not much difference. We went to the clinic with me holding him by the side. He was referred to Tan Tock Seng hospital but he insisted on a transfer to Singapore General Hospital. TTSH allows only 1 visitor per day while SGH 4 persons.
During the early part waiting at TTSH, I couldn't stop crying. My mind was chanting "I don't want to lose you papa" over and over again. I wanted to be strong for him but the tears just won't stop flowing. He told me not to cry, that it would be alright. It's just...just difficult to see him helpless and weak and depending on others for a change. He has always been my pillar of strength and now our roles are reversed.
I'm going to visit him tomorrow evening. His mother will be there during lunchtime. Seeing him lying on the bed breaks my heart, makes him frustrated.
Papa...please be strong. You and me, we can make it through this ordeal together like we always do. I will be there for you, encouraging you, nagging you, cheering you on. I see this as a test of our love. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I would have gladly take your place. More people depend on you. I depend on you. Don't leave me yet. At least not before you become my husband, not before we have great sex together, not before we have children together, not before we see our children grow up, not before we grow old together. Being away from you is so hard for me. I miss you from the moment I'm not there with you. When I got home from the hospital, I went to our bedroom and saw you everywhere. I took your shirt which still smells of you, I hold it tight close to me and just cried. I am still crying now. I couldn't bear to lose you. You mean everything to me. You mean more to me than my own life. I don't want to live without you not when I just found you. Be strong baby because I am trying so hard to be strong for us. Don't ever give up because I believe in you, I have faith in you. I love you papa and even if you won't be the same man like you used to be, I will still love you.
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Forget about what I felt last couple of days. I was gonna tell you what I was thinking that time when you sms me and I wanted so much to tell you yesterday but I couldn't and didn't. Partly because I was afraid you won't understand and partly because I didn't want to hurt your feelings in any way when you were good to me.
Honestly speaking I was jealous that you go and find new friends while I'm here still stuck with my memories, still having trouble finding my own new friends. I don't easily make friends and people usually find me a bitter pill to swallow because of the way I behave and talk to them. I say what I want to say and sometimes I do that at the wrong time and place. For a woman, I sure don't act feminine and girls would do bored me. I hate being around girls who are so damn ladylike because it magnifies my roughness. Even you who claims to be just as rough as me proves to be feminine at times.
I didn't want to meet you yesterday because firstly I was tired and secondly I was going to the beauty salon to have my eyebrows plucked. They are such a mess. I couldn't say no to you because frankly I don't like to disappoint you. But come I did after that minor stupid tiff. I was just back from work and you called me stupid just because I asked you what you were doing at the MRT area. If it were somebody else, I would have fakked that person upside down inside out but because it was you...you know what I did.
And it was a different feeling when I did meet you. I felt as if I was there because no one else was free to be there. I'm sorry but sometimes I do feel as if you were using me but don't worry. You are not the first one to do that. If what I felt was wrong forgive me. Sometimes my emotions work overtime especially during my PMS season.
At first when I got to know how you feel about your new friends and your girlfriends, I was kinda happy. You did put my uneasiness to rest but not for long. Would your new friendships affect ours? Definitely...in the long run.
You know something...like what I told Ash the other day, maybe I shouldn't be close to any girls. I always suck in girl-girl relationship. Maybe I should go out there and find a guy friend who doesn't care how I talk, how I behave, who treat me just any other guy. I do have one but he is always MIA because of his working hours. Aizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
A few of my friends, colleagues and otherwise, complained that I talked too loud to the point of shouting. So aku gi lah ngadu dengan Ash. And he said he liked that because my yelling and noise make his home not so quiet. Auwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet! That's why I love him lah. What my friends dislike about me, he likes. Weird huh? Maybe I should emulate those women who talk softly...so damn soft I can't hear a beladi word. Sorry that's not me. You can wait long long lah eh if you expect me to be soft spoken. I won't and I can't. Pompan-pompan yang sora pelan-pelan ni cuma kasi semut je dengar. Makes me wanna shake them up or something. Speak up girl...ko ingat aku dengar ke eh cibai? Nak bual pelan-pelan camtu bukan dengan aku. Tu dengan jantan-jantan. Dorang suka pe. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...Aku kena romen pun suka pekik-pekik. What's the point kalau nak menten? Baik Ash romen dengan anak patong Cabbage Patch ke Barbie ke.
Once again...anyone nak gi Wu Bar besok you still have time to inform me. See ya!
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I'm Glad by J Lo
Baby when I think about
The day that we first met
(the day that we first met)
Wasn't lookin for what I found
But I found you
And I'm bound to find happiness in being around you
Chorus
I'm glad when I'm makin love to you
I'm glad for the way you make me feel
I love it cause you seem to blow my mind, every time
I'm glad when you walk you hold my hand
I'm happy that you know how to be a man
I'm glad that you came into my life
I'm so glad
I dig the way that you get down
(you get down for 'bout)
And you still know how to hold me
(and you still know how to hold me)
Perfect blend, masculine
(can't get enough now) I think I'm in love, damn finally
Chorus
I'm glad that you turned out to be
That certain someone special
who makes this life worth living
I'm glad you're here just loving
So say that you won't leave
Cause since the day you came
I've been glad
Chorus
The bliss of being in love. I am glad that I'm not alone with you hovering around me. I may feel as if I have no friends but at least I have you.
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I am so alone. In times like this, it is so obvious how many friends I have. Actual fact, I don't have that many friends. Acquaintances I got lots. I just need one to talk to when I'm feeling low. Being home depresses me. I should have listened to Ash tadi. Balik umah dia, berbual dengan mak dia, gadoh dengan Camelia, anything lah as long as I'm far away from here.
You are one lucky bastard. Ko balik ke tak ke nobody says anything. I could almost hate you. I think I do.
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Maybe I shouldn't go huh this Saturday. Macam tarak mood gitu padahal I was really looking forward to it at first. Nevermind still have few more days to go. Maybe my mood would be better come Friday.
Semalam jumpa Ash. After so long - maybe it wasn't that long but it felt that way - it was so nice looking at his face. I had such a wonderful night with him. We didn't quarrel, I was being a good girl, he was telling me his usual dose of crappy jokes, and we were absolutely alone, just the two of us. Being away from each other is good for our relationship.
Sebetulnya aku nak lovey-dovey mushy whipped potato kat sini tapi mak aku potong stim. She sat in front of me, she said she needed my help and alarm bells sounded in my head. What else kalau bukan duit? She said someone is willing to ubatkan my step father. He's been ill since I got married. That someone ubatkan Uncle with a price tag of $300. Mana sial aku nak gi kerok duit? Dah tentu aku blum gaji and even if I got paid I can't lend the money to her. I got bills to pay. It's not as if ada orang lain nak tolong aku gi bayar...kan? I told her this and she just sat there silently, puffing away on her cigarrettes as if she got a problem. I am the one with problems, money problems. I (together with Ash) am the one worrying about what to pay and what not to pay for the month, I am the one who worry about the groceries, about my outstanding loans and about everything else. What else could she worry about? She sits in front of the tv the whole day from the moment she wakes up till the time she closes her eyes, taking time off to cook. Apa lagi yang dia nak risaukan?
Whenever she asks me for money, secara automatik pala aku sakit. I don't like to disappoint her but what money I have, I have to put it to better use. Do you understand that Mum? Money doesn't grow on trees like it used to for you. That $300 I can pay the month's power supply bill or the Starhub cable or the service and conservancy or the phone bill or my Courts debt.
I wish you don't give me unnecessary headaches. My life is already complicated as it is.
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Dah makin malas nak blog. Got nothing much to blog about anyway. I have been spending more time at Ash's place now. I used to be here for a day or two before but now I would stay here for at least 4 days. Peaceful here, not so much stress.
Anyway I have been thinking about smsing this to Ash and my friends but I think the message would be too long and I got time tadi kat keje. So here goes.
I want to apologise to you for all the times I have not been paying much attention to you...for not being there when you needed me...for raising my voice at you...for being unreasonable...for being too sensitive...for being too caught up in myself...for being stubborn...for being jealous...for being possessive...for being an asshole...for forgetting to appreciate you...for throwing childish tantrums...for troubling you with my problems when you already have enough of your own...If our relationship is not fated to last all through our lifetime, let us not be enemies but acquaintance that we would nod to if we meet each other.
Aku macam buang tebiat eh. It's just something I thought of at work tadi for some time and I need to blog this down before I forget.
Papa...thanks for letting me go. I'm sorry for that other time when I was being so horribly difficult. Please understand I would never get in your way when you want to meet up with other people. The reason I freaked out was because I was already looking forward to spending that night with you. I'm sorry eh baby?
Any of you bloggers interested to have a ladies' nite out...me and my gal pal will be at Tha Wu Bar on 26th July (Saturday).
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I K.O. yesterday quite early, about 10. Must be because of all the late nights. I having OT today and tomorrow. That's good so I could have extra cash in my hand but tomorrow is the cut off point of the month. I hope there will be more OT during the next month.
I vacuumed and mopped the mop the hall the day before yesterday. Let's just say the pail of water looks like what they used in the Dark Water movie. The kitchen needs more hard work and I am too tired. Some other day then.
It rained heavily this morning when I woke up. Thank God it stop...for now. Macam malas sial nak kluar umah kalau hujan. Tido dengan Ash with him holding me - I would love that but work I have to go. Ingat duit, ingat duit, ingat duit.
Asked Mom about her son. He didn't come home for the past few days...again. She started to nag and complain and I switched her off automatically. I don't need to hear because I don't want to. I wanted so much to tell her "I told you so" but I didn't want to rub salt to her wound. I know he would be like this. Looks like I'm stuck with the bills. Aizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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I have just washed the damn toilet. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwww ntah baper tahun tak cuci. I have always disliked doing housework and I still am. I prefer to work outside the home because I would be paid but when I gotta do it, I got no choice. Sapa lagi sial nak jadi tukang sapu, tukang mop umah ni kalau bukan aku? I still haven't clean my room. I like it messy and untidy but I think I have to do some major cleaning up before Saturday comes. Saturday and Sunday is Woodlands time! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 
Mak aku nyer besar nyer pemalas she can just sit and watch tv while the world around her gets dusty and dirty. Mak ooooooooo mak...orang keje kan mana de masa nak kemas-kemas. Mak tak boleh ke at least vacuum je? Tak boleh? Apa mak? Pinggang mak sakit macam nak patah? Ye lah mak...kita jadi terminator ok? Dah macam baruah kat pat keje...nanti kat umah pun kita jadi baruah lagi ok? Anak mas mak mana? Tak balik lagi ke? Oooo tak balik. Napa? Hah? Dia jumpa puki yang rambut dye macam golden monkey tu? Ohhh abih kira tak nak balik lah eh sejak semenjak dah start keje ni? Ohhh jadi aku jugak yang kena bayar bil sampai aku mampos lah eh? Ohhh al kisahnya...Jadi kan mak...kita tak yah kawin lah eh? Kita dok seumah je..agak-agak kalau puki orang gatal konek dia ngeryam, kita main je lah eh? Kalau terdapat anak camne? Can close one eye or not? Cannot? Then camne? Tak kan kita nak masturbate je. Boring sehhhh. See how later? Dah baper lama aku tunggu see how later...situation still the same jugak. Anak mas mak nak lari dari tanggungjawap dia ke?? Jangan sampai kita kay siao tau mak...nanti time tu dia baru tau langit tu rendah ke tinggi.
I wish you come back and take care of the family. You don't want to stay here...that's fine with me. I don't even want to see your face around the house but don't forget your parents huh? You can hate me, you can swear at me, but don't you ever once forget them. I really can't afford to take care of them but I'm trying and I wish you help me out. What with the bills, the groceries and my debt, I am up to my neck. You were the one who persuade them to sell that house and move and you want to shirk your responsibility since you know I will be here...always?
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Emmm laki aku leave komen at my blog's entry...if u all notice.
I am never a confident person lah papa...because people put me down either intentionally or not. I try not to think about that too much but sometimes I remember nasty things they say about me. Tapi tak pe...as long as you love me, they can all go and fak themselves 
I called home yesterday night. It wasn't so bad. She didn't yell at me and I appreciate that very much. Of course lah I bribed her. I bought her 2 packs of cigarettes so she couldn't scream at me could she
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mama....papa wants you to be happy but......be more confident like you do when you chat...face reality and go forward and do not ....do not cry over spilled milk.....
You know what...I would give anything not to go to work today. I feel so lazy and I think I will drag my legs to work but I can't not come to work. I already played hooky last Thursday and Friday. My moment of laziness is here. It feels so nice to be home waiting for Ash to come back from work but I know I have to work. Aizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I really don't feel like going to work, to go home. Aku nanak balikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Aku nak stay kat sini dengan Ash 
I let Camelia read my blog yesterday. I could hear her laugh at some of my entries. She asked me too many questions and to shut her up, I told her she couldn't ask me anything. She was not supposed to read my diary in the first place, I told her, so she had to just read and understand and keep quiet. She did 
Ash just called me, supposedly to wake me up. I'm already up. Hearing him telling me he loves me tadi almost made me cry. I really love the guy and I wish I could be here when he comes home. I don't feel like going to work lah papa but I gotta, right? I don't want to go home later but I gotta, right? Will you be beside me when I face the firing squad? I don't know how home is like. Will definitely be messy, she will definitely be hostile, I wonder if there's enough food because I didn't buy much that time.
Dragging my feet, dragging my feet...to hell.
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Still at Ash's place. Afraid to go home. Afraid mom will nag 
Tadi kat umah Ash manyak orang. Nobody special just his siblings and their spouses and children. I am really not a people person. Too many unfamiliar people around scares me. So I stayed in my room and ironed Ash's clothes and Camelia's school uniform. I told Ash I'm not that sociable. So when there is any family gatherings I won't be as friendly as he would want me to be. It's not just his side. Includes my family too. I am only comfortable with people I like and often meet. So sorry guys if you think I would be as loud as in the chatrooms or in here while I'm out there. I'm not. I am naturally a shy person. Always am always will. I know some people will vomit blood to know that but it's the truth.
Been thinking about moving out but when I asked one of my friends' opinion, she told me I'm still my parents' responsibility. That stumped me because betul pe dia cakap. Abih camne eh? I am really terrible at making my own decisions. If I ask Ash, dia memang suka aku dok dengan dia. Though I want to live with him, I'm still tied to my parents especially mak lah. Every thing I did and want to do, it's her that comes to my mind. I don't want to hurt her feelings but in pleasing her, I'm miserable. What to do what to do 
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Aku kena marah 
Accept me for what I am ok? In spite of my flaws and imperfections, please accept me.
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Just did something stupid. Don't ask me what lah. I won't tell. It's something I promised to myself I won't do but I did. Aizzzzzzzzzz I never did learnt my lesson did I? Don't pity me. I don't need it. Why should you? I'm not the kind of person deserving of anything from you except maybe scorn and nastiness. I am a bad person now ain't I? Stupid me letting your remarks hurt me all over again. Why should I bother to extend my hand to you? Why did I ever go there to your place? Why was I fated to meet you? Why bother to explain things to a person who is incapable of seeing from somebody else's view? Why do I always run circles around you? I don't need you do I? If you pity me, I do too. All these times when we got back again, I was entertaining you half-heartedly. Your stories bored me after a while but I can't tell you can I?
Nevermind we won't bother each other again after this.
Note to web designer...I am changing my url again...
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Malas aku nak blog but I have been a bad bad girl the last few days. Enough for me to say I had given Ash one big beladi headache with my tantrums. Do I have to go into details? Maybe I should. I freaked out when he told me he was going out to meet his friends for a drink. Don't ask why. I just hate the fact that he rather spend time with them than with me but I know I could not say no. He has been accomodating when I wanted to be with my friends but if I were to be given a choice, I would rather be with you than with anyone else lah papa.
Special mention of thanx to Diana and Norida for lending me your ears. Instead of telling me I was acting stupid and silly, you two reassured me that it was normal for a woman in love to feel that way. I wish I was not feeling that way though. It seems as if I am chaining Ash to myself. He can't breathe like that can he?
I will try not to freak out again the next time you need time off away from me ok papa? I'm sorry I was behaving foolishly but I could not help it. I hate myself when I am like that. So unnaturally possessive and clingy. Hate that.
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I hate myself. I know I am being difficult but I couldn't help it. Must be something wrong with my hormones or something. I hate sharing you with anybody. There are times when I don't mind and today is not that time. Today I want you all to myself. I am sorry for being a possesive bitch but I am and you are not making me feel any better with your actions. Yes, I'm frowning, I'm sulking but I didn't make a fool of myself at you kan? I'm frowning I'm sulking by myself, I didn't pick a fight with you. You don't even bother to ask me whether I got a headache ke tak. I always do have one when having the blasted period. You shook your head in frustration, seeing me like this. I would feel better if you had hugged me and said you love me. I absolutely hate it when you seem to care more about other people than you care for me. I don't fakking care who but put me in the first priority dulu before anyone else.
I'm trying to quit feeling this way. I took a shower to chase away my bingit. That didn't help me much. Only you...only you can make me feel better, only you can make me stop feeling this way.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fedap sial aku.
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I am feeling resentful today. Why? Don't know. Must be because of my stupid period. Everything and anything you do will not be right today. I don't want to go anywhere but do I have a choice? You know what I feel so damn unimportant. You did everything for anyone except me. Orang lain nyer cakap ko ikutkan. Aku nyer cakap ko ikut if and when you like it.
You think I'm a joker. Is that why you are laughing at me? Hate you today.
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Patrick Lim Zhiyan...Patrick Lim Zhiyan...Patrick Lim Zhiyan
Who is this person?
He is somebody I met online quite by accident. I can't quite remember how we met exactly but I can tell you we stay close friends till now. We were there for the other when one of us was feeling low - through my fiance-related quarrels, his break up with his girl, his sickness, my depression etc etc etc. Like friends do, we do quarrel but I don't stay angry for long and he doesn't mind my nagging.
Maybe I don't say this often enough to you but I appreciate the friendship, your sometimes lame and stupid jokes, your trust to confide in me, your advice when I was being bull headed with regards to Ash.
I am lucky to have found 2 good men online. One is of course my darling Ash...and the other is you Patrick Lim Zhiyan.
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My brain refuses to think about what to blog. I think it works better in the morning after a cold shower.
i'm just monitoring my mama well being...but don't ever try to slap her or even make her feel bad for too long....i might turn green and nobody like when i turn green...get it?
So sweet of u 
I miss u papa
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It's different waking up in the morning without you beside me. Quite lonely actually. Besok-besok kalau dah dok satu umah camne eh? Feel so strange leaving the house without you. Usually you would wake up with me in your arms, I would take a shower knowing you would be waiting for me to get ready, I would make your morning tea, you would walk with me to the bus stop, you would wait for the bus with me, you would say something funny to make me laugh, I would kiss your hand, you would kiss me lovingly on the lips before I get on the bus. Ni sekarang sapa nak do the things for you in your absence? Tiang lampu gaknya
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Wooohooooooooooooooooooo my gal pal got slapped tonight by you. I guess I should retract my remark about you being a chicken. I'm saluting you now because you finally did what you promised to do even if I have to do a little bit of prodding. Who can resist a challenge right? So finally it's all been put to rest. You can finally get on with your life 
I want to apologise to the people I met tonight for me being aloof and unfriendly. I am normally not like that. I felt awkward and out of place. I didn't know what to do sial tadi. Aizzzzzzzzzzzzzz I guess I won't be invited to anymore of your gederins huh guys? 
A cousin called me up tadi complaining about her boyfriend. She told me she just found out her beloved boyfriend for the past 2 years has been a married man for 5 years. The wifey called her up, requesting to meet up. They did meet but my cousin kept her cool unlike the wife who broke down once she knew it was her husband that my cousin is dating. Gawd! What a small world! You know..lies won't get you anywhere. You can escape for a while but you can't for long. And when you got caught, there is no way to go but down. You lose people's respect and trust in you. When I met you that time long ago, I thought you were Mr Goody Beladi Good Guy but appearances can be so deceiving huh? I never did like you but because my cousin is so into you, I gave you a benefit of a doubt which apparently you don't deserve. And you still got the cheek to act dumb, trying not to admit you have a wife waiting for you at home. I hope this would make your wife open her eyes wide and take some action against you. From what I gathered from my cousin, this is not the first affair you had got into.
Dear cousin, don't blame yourself for this 
You keep harping on the fact I owe you money. You think I don't want to pay back the loan? I would if I could. You know how hard it is for me to be the only one person paying the bills around the house. The $600 I own you is like so big an amount. What about the $7k you had to cough up to pay your son's debt? Why didn't you pester him to pay? That is why I hate coming home. It's not even my house you know. Do you know how I worry every time my payday comes? I think about how much I have to pay this pay that..I have to think about buying groceries and all that. Do you know since I start working I don't have any cash in my pocket? Even if I have any, it's for buying food because you are too lazy to cook. Maybe I should stay away from here. Maybe I should move out by the end of the month. I'll come back to check for bills and my personal letters, buy food for you but that's it. I don't want to stay here no more. Everytime after work or after meeting Ash/gal pal, I practically had to drag my feet to walk home. Why you think?
I heard your message on my voicemail. It is the most hurtful things you can say to me. You accuse me of treating you like a servant...you said I'm a nuisance in your life. Do I really deserve that after what I have done for the family? Do you know I lost my appetite after hearing your message? Do you know I cried at work? It was as if I heard you whispering the sentences in my ears. When I met Ash last Monday I asked him "pa...you nak dengar citer sedih mama tak?" I let him hear the message and he was very very pissed off at you until the next morning. He said you were so blatantly giving me unfair treatment. I told him you were kerek because your favourite child is back home again. It has always been like that. I am only useful when he's not around.
I wish I can sit you down and have it all out with you but I hate confrontations especially teary ones. I handle situations like this badly and frequently end up crying in anger. I should be far away from you to be appreciated. I wish I could give you what you want
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Ash is teaching his niece some Maths 
But seriously how do you make a kid study without having to nag at her? Sometimes I don't think it's fair to just blame the kid when the adults in the house didn't have the initiative to be interested in her schoolwork. Since I know Ash, I have yet to see Camelia open up her school books and do her homework before doing anything else. Her typical after school chores - put her bag down, plops herself on the sofa, watch TV until her bedtime. How to be smart this way when she is much more interested in Malay dramas than in her homework? Just ask her what programmes on what day and at what time...she can tell you without you having to flip the pages of the newspaper. Gawd!
Maybe the next time I decide to have kids, I should remove the TV from the house huh? Or standby the cane? I'm not really good at teaching kids. I'm not patient enough. When I'm frustrated somebody is going to feel my fist power. Danger!!! Potential child abuser
I guess this attention should be life long and not just when I make noise about it lah pa. I know you love her but love is not enough. You just got to be more involved in her life especially now when she is still young, when you still can mould her. Besok-besok bila dia dah jadi teenager, lagi headache muahahahahahahaha
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Nak kata aku...ko ingat ko manyak jambu? >> well at least im better looking than you. cant accept the fact rite? too bad. kalau part ni ingat TUHAN. aniwae aku memang malas nak layan kau, since kau yg campur tangan dulu kan? tak salah aper aku cakap balik kan? so serve U rite. have a miserable week!
Ohhh I never said you not jambu. Of course you are sebab tu tunang ko tergila-gilakan ko. But at least I don't go around calling people names in other people's blogs. Ko memang...gi balik malas nak layan. Kalau malas nak layan, jangan cari pasal dengan orang. Did I say anything bad about you? You may want to appear bad but you are not. The only question I asked is whether you are the one who kept saying nak lempang muka orang tapi tak lempang-lempang. Tu je pe.
Tak nak sebok hal orang tapi sebok kat orang punya blog. Pesal? Takut laki kena kebas ke pe? Kalau cibai tu gold digger skali pun, dia tak dig laki ko nyer emas sudah lah. People dah move on you are still stuck in past memories. Who's the one who can't let go the past?
You don't have to wish me a miserable week. I always have bad weeks but thanx for the little of attention you have given me
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i hope by licking up ur own shyt can somehow straighten ur teeth aight. if not, too bad. hahahahha but it looks like now u are licking up ur own shit huh? hahahha.. sajak lah tu. alah mancung, kau dulu jugak yg cakap ngan aku si sial ni memang sial. tak guna buat kawan. kira kau pon samer la mcm aku. tapi kau lagi teruk la HYPOCRITE. ishk mancung kalau nak berbual tu tutup skit lah mulut tu. terpias la air ludah kau tu
Coming from a bitch I once knew.
Hit me where it hurts girl. It's not like I never heard it all before. You wanna play rough, I'm game. Nak kata aku...ko ingat ko manyak jambu? But I never did like to go and kutuk-kutuk orang on the way they were born with. That's God's gift. Just because someone just casually mentioned your fiance, you want to start a war with me?? Tak mo gegar-gegar tagboard orang lah girl. Meh jumpa and talk. You can call me a hypocrite you can call me licking my own shit...you can say anything you want...but please do it in my face. kalau ko memang lah macam keling pariah dog...madang cakap tapi tak buat. Ni Axlia...say what you say kat blog orang in my face and kalau aku tak lempang muka ko, ko bleh ludah muka aku. I may be a hypocrite, I may be whatever you accuse me of but at least I'm not a beladi chicken like you 
Ko ingat tunang ko baper nyer hensem sampai pompan lain nak hengeh-hengeh dengan dia? Ko gi lah tanya jantan ko sapa hengeh dengan sapa and get your facts right. Don't accuse other people for your fiance's itchy cock.
Pot calling the kettle black. Nak kata orang dia yang lebih. Nak kutuk orang tarak cerminkan diri sendiri dulu. I don't want to stoop to your level. By critisizing the way you look, it's like critisizing God. Ceh wahhhhh ustazah sial aku muahahahahahaha 
And one more thing girl...semancung-mancung gigi aku...aku dapat a much better man than yours, I get a much faithful man than yours, I get a better-looking man than yours. By the way, Macho_Gilerr (that's Ash's nick in Yahoo! chat) said he take you and your guy anytime anyday anywhere...because he's my hero, he will save me from bitches like you. That's what he said
